Welcome to the world of one man's insanity and his accurate observations, also known as cynicism, of a world full of imbeciles and annoying people.

20 February, 2010

Taint-Spawn (Working Title)

This is going to be my first serious attempt at writing a book. It's based on a story I've had rattling round my skull for quite a few years now.
It involves Templar who aren't religious, an unstoppable monster that frequently stops himself, and an ordinary woman who's now for a fugitive for being part of the crowd. Surprisingly, there's nothing funny in it.
Here's an exert of the Prologue:

"The year is 2113. The “Templar” have now been in power for five years after their hostile take-over of all the world governments. Other than their name, they have nothing to do with the Templar in the historical records. They were just another terrorist group until 2105. No one knows what happened, but it’s obvious that they came into possession of military equipment far more powerful of any country’s. The religious fanatics, as usual, claimed that they made a deal with the forces of hell, and other such nonsense.
People could probably cope with the Templar, if it wasn’t for the fact that two years after their take-over a new threat emerged. We called it “Taint”. Nothing was known about it, other than the fact that any human in a close radius mutates and becomes a savage beast capable of only killing and dying. Because of the Taint, humankind has now sealed themselves off in their cities. They use their planes to travel if they need to, and they have come to depend on the Templar to prevent any of the mutated humans from entering those cities.
The first sighting of a “Taint-Spawn” was just over a year ago. They appear human, but have white hair and violet eyes. The city where it was seen was destroyed within an hour. There were riots about the Templar not doing their job properly, which were soon quelled. It’s unknown how many Taint-Spawn there are. The Templar know there are at least four thanks to reports from cities that were destroyed shortly after sending the reports."

Admittedly, that was the entire Prologue except one paragraph that sets the scene more precisely for the first chapter...which I haven't finished writing. Give me a couple of years and I can attempt to give you a book...assuming it gets published...and that you pay for a copy of the book since I wouldn't actually give them away.

15 February, 2010

The Farce that is Television Licensing in the UK

In September, when I had just moved into the student accomodation, I recieved a letter from TV Licensing telling me that I needed to phone them to let them know I don't watch live TV which I obviously did. In November, I recieved a second letter telling me that I hadn't got in contact with them and warning me what the consequences of watching live TV would be. Naturally, I assumed it was just an error in their data-keeping so I phoned them again. In December, I received a third letter telling me that I still hadn't got in contact with them and that they were about to start the process required to legally investigate my address. I phoned them again to set them straight. They claimed to have removed my address from from the list of unlicensed addresses after that phone call.
Today, I recieved a fourth letter not only telling me that I haven't got in contact with them, but telling me what I should do at my court hearing. The court hearing that hasn't been issued yet, but which they're telling me about since I'm so obviously guilty of watching live TV in my room.
Naturally I went to the complaints section of their website since what they're doing is harrasing me. It was there where I found out that you can fill in an online submission form to get your address removed from the list. The online submission form that obviously wasn't worth mentioning in any of the four fucking letters they sent me. In every single letter, it clearly states that you have to phone them. There's not even the slightest hint that there was an online submission form.
Of course, to complain I have to write a letter rather than be able to send it to a designated e-mail address. It's apparent that TV licensing don't actually realise that there's a faster, cheaper and easier method of communication than writing out letters and phoning them. I'm surprised they didn't tell me to write the letter in the blood of a child...which I would have done anyway since I have no ink.

Silliness aside (probably not possible when talking about TV Licensing), I am deeply offended by the fact that this fourth letter can be summarised as "we think you're guilty, we will see you in court, we will make you pay extortianate fines because you aren't anyone of consequence". They clearly don't know just what it is that they've done. They. Have. Made. Me. ANGRY. I am very hard to anger, and when I am angry then all life in the immediate radius should give up any hope of living without some severe disfigurement.
The Lord J is OFFICIALLY AT WAR with TV Licensing. I have the law on my side (for once) and I intend to make full use of that fact. TV Licensing are going to be paying at least some of my food bills in the coming months. They will learn that they are nothing compared to some of the people whom they bully and intimidate. They will almost certainly attempt to trick and con their way out of it, but that's expected since they'll have the BBC on their side...unless of course the BBC realise that the shit has hit the fan, in which case TV Licensing will be all on their own against a person with a spine, an IQ of 151, and a law suit for harassment with their names on it...written in their children's blood, of course.

Viva la revolution,
Lord J